Sunday, August 31, 2008

Relationship Sans Trust

First my disclosure about the incident I am going to tell here - My intention is not to tell a story and not to laugh at what happened. I post it here so that I could express the importance of trust in a relationship.

Last week my neighbor's daughter eloped with a boy living just few houses apart taking all the jewelery and some good cash along. The interesting thing is both families were good friends and had the girl told about her relation to her family, they would be just happy to marry the man of her choice. In fact, the boy's family was very happy on the "decision" and were rejoiced. The girl's father was not and consumed poison on hearing the news, later he recovered and next day - yes, the very next day shifted to some unknown place ! Before leaving he told all of us one thing - you did not stand with me. His lament was why the girl chose to elope? when it could have been a happy story.

Well, do not think I am narrating some story here. This is a true and fresh incident. What I want is to demonstrate few things for the purpose of thinking for all my readers.

When both families were friends and there would be no opposition to their marriage, why they chose to do this? One possibility is the girl "knew" something that we neighbors don't know - perhaps her father did not like the boy despite being family friends. OR, the boy would have thought for some reasons her father will oppose it. The third possibility is the boy would have thought he wouldn't get a good gift from her father if they married with their consent.

Whatever be the reason, one thing is certain - the weakness of their relations. Despite their very good family relations the trust was simply not there. The girl did not trust her parents, the two families did not trust each other, the boy did not trust the girl's parents. I am myself eye witness to the "warm relations" of the two families and could not believe eyes and ears on seeing and hearing the incidents. It made me focus on relations again - trust is the basis of a relationship and if it is lacking then even the biggest empire of relationship can not stand and will collapse one day. This happened in my neighborhood and can happen anywhere where there is relationship without trust.


Jules said...

Do you trust anyone, Harry?

If you look at history, you'll find many stories on colossal betrayals among nations, between rulers and their confidants, between mentors and their students, etc etc.

It's in our blood not to trust.

Human beings are complex. That's why I prefer to keep to myself. I don't want to let anyone down, and I don't want to give anyone a chance to hurt me.

I used to have a very simplistic view towards relationship - my world has no gray area - and that has cost me.

Harry said...

Very true Jules,
People like you who understand this fact are the happiest. I think its we, our own self that makes relationships so complicated...

Jules said...

Understanding is not enough. Am still working on accepting it.
I can't help but wish for a black and white world.
The world we live in scares me.

Harry said...

Dear Jules,
I think there is a lot more to what your experience is. If I am right, send me your complete thoughts, either here or mail me at
I think your comments say a lot more than what we see...

Jules said...

Sorry, Harry, just saw your reply. Have been too sucked into trading...

You will know more as you get to know me :-)

For starter, I grew up in an entirely different atmosphere from that which you've gotten used to. A day in my life was like an episode in a drama series - complete with plots and snarls and agonies. I often wondered then if THAT was the model of the adult world.

And true to form, it is.