Gemeinschaft returning over Gesellschaft

You will find a lot of people complaining how "deteriorated" modern society has become and how bad the consequences are. Although most people think they (people who complain) are nothing more than a bunch of pessimists who love the "good old world" and reject progress, the fact is totally different.

In my days of growth from childhood to adulthood I found many such people. They complained and rejected the "growth" of society which was more and more inclined to physical luxury and getting rid of community feeling. One uncle was particularly angry the way more and more individuals were turning into "selfish, not-caring-for-community" kind of people. I had different understanding of what he said at different age slots of my life. When I was a child I did not understand a word he used to say. When I was a teenager I thought he had some mental problem and laughed at him. When I matured I had a very different feel for his concern. I started to learn what he meant - his concern was not that much odd at all and there was a case for deep thinking on the issue. Then one fine day I sat and pondered on his main points -

He complained how the modern individual cared about himself, the height of selfishness, according to him. He gave an example of power outage problem, people buy backup power inverters in their houses to counter the problem instead of finding a solution for their entire community. Then there were other examples of the kind.

Unlike my peers who shrugged off these things, I thought about them at every incident that struck my radar. There was a real "crisis" and it was only getting worse. Later, when I learned about the concepts of German sociologist Ferdinand Tonnies who gave the idea of two social systems: Gemeinschaft and Gesellschaft, the root of the issue became clear. It was economical betterment of society that led to the downgrade of Gemeinschaft.

Gemeinschaft ("community") refers to a small, rural, low-technology, face-to-face community that is relatively poor and based on informal education at home.

Gesellschaft ("society") refers to a large, urban, heterogeneous, high-technology society that relies on electronic communication and formal, school-based education.

The economic boom in past decades has benefited Gesellschaft to the limits. The recessions in these times could not show a case for "community" centered approach but this ongoing Depression has turned things, at least it seems. The Global Economic Meltdown is changing course of the social behaviour and Gemeinschaft is in vogue again! Many of those who have lost jobs or those who have suffered because of this ongoing crisis, have become community centered and are more involved in community work. If this Global Depression has one big positive, then this is it.

Co-operation - an open operation

Co-operation is something we humans have learned as an intelligent species as well as result of our growing intellect. There are reasons we can term it as a manifestation of our selfish attitude but the fact is we can not survive without co-operating with each other. Imagine your colleague sitting next to you in your office needs your help for some work which you are more familiar with, imagine what will happen if you don't help him/her and imagine what will happen if nobody helps / co-operates with each other. In order to survive we all need each other's co-operation almost always.

Now imagine the same scene with a bit different requirement. Think about your colleague in need of your co-operation - not that there is something you can do related to his/her work - but, he/she requires you to NOT do something that is creating troubles to his concentration (e.g. you may be listening to hard rock when he/she needs complete quietness). You may not be bound by your office rules for such an occasion but being a human we somehow know this fact that our actions should never be an act of obstacle for our close ones. Sometimes this is just a mutual understanding, other times it is a binding and rest of the times it is our conscience that makes us co-operate.

In last four months I had been extremely busy with a project and that made me a villain in the eyes of my dear wife. When I was working hard day and night my dear wife was unhappy at best. Then, one fine day I asked for her co-operation. I explained her why that thing was important to me and how my success or failure could affect our future. She understood and since then she did her best to co-operate with my work. Things changed suddenly. The workload which looked like a mountain transformed into a small sand rock and today when I have finished the project, I owe a lot to her co-operating nature. I tell this story to demonstrate how easy things turn when we in our relationships learn to co-operate with each other.

Co-operation is not unique characteristic of humans alone. Ants and bees are bigger examples of co-operation and their very survival is dependent entirely upon it. The conclusion is we have to respect co-operation and co-operate with each other in order to survive.

After posting my thoughts, let me not forget what I promised to my friend Alec of www.learnlovemakinglessons.com. His blog is a must read for those couples who want success in their relationships.

Communifaking, Right Or Wrong?

In the new age of instant communication one thing that is very popular is cell phones. I don't think a single reader of this post doesn't have a cell phone. Since the time it was invented, we have made it a habit to use cell phones on the go and that is not the limitation. We found out a lot many things associated with cell phones - sms, games, diary, calendar, clock, calculator etc are some of the additions that have been there from almost the start of this revolution. As time passed and technology grew we had many more things - internet surfing, email, music, videos, feed readers etc and now even instant messengers.

Apart from so many applications we also discovered some hidden usage (in fact sms was also discovered by chance). We also had some significant changes in our lifestyle some good some bad, like dependence on "always on" communication, lieing where we are etc. One particular lifestyle change that is the center of discussion in this post is COMMUNIFAKING.

Communifaking is the term we have assigned for a behaviour by cell phone users according to which they "fake" a communication. To put it simply when a person pretends to "talk" on cellphone, he/she is communifaking. According to a recent survey, the number of cellphone users who communifake outnumbers those that don't. The research by British mobile operator 3 has found out that 74% of people from 18 to 24 age group admitted to communifaking. The reasons mostly told by communifakers are either they want to avoid someone nearby or they find it useful when waiting for someone.

The psychologists have more reasons though. According to Patricia Wallace, a psychologist at the Johns Hopkins University Center for Talented Youth, following are important reasons :

Demonstrating Connections: If we are sitting lonely at a place like a pub, we communifake in order to show we are not alone.
Show off: Many of us show off our handsets just to impress others. Mostly boys do this to impress girls.

In my personal experience, I saw few cases when someone communifaking was caught red faced when in the middle of "conversation" actual bell rang and exposed the communifake. Even I have communifaked few times and I admit sometimes it was just the feeling of insecurity. I remember an occasion when I had to "do" it just because I had nothing else to do and it was a place full of strangers.

If you are one of those who communifake or feel the need for it, there is nothing wrong as long as you don't use it for show off. Communifaking when you are waiting can be an innocent behaviour and you should not feel guilty if you do it for this reason. However, I would like to utilize "any" spare time like waiting to do something creative.

Giving Away To Others

We humans are thought to be an intelligent species which has the best of brain enabling us to perceive things like none other. Gradually through evolution we have developed sense of "giving" something to our loved ones. And, we do not stop there, we not only have this "give away something" for our loved ones but also many of us are philanthropic and give away to unknowns.

Charity, donations are good part of modern day world despite the inter-human competition getting bigger. I do not mean it is "only a modern" phenomenon but I mean even in today's world of cut-throat competition, there are good stories of people donating their money and resources to the needy. Its our relationship of a very different kind, where a feeling of pleasure emerges from inside and directs us to help others who we don't even know.

A person ready to sacrifice his / her life for the cause of his / her society is understandable but there can be incidents where someone does this for totally unknowns. However, such incidents are rare and general attitude of a common person is being selfish.

Even a terrorist who has been brainwashed into doing "anything" for a "cause" might get into the act of laying his life. He may be doing a foolish act which is in fact against civilization but in his understanding he does it for "his" people's cause.

The sacrifice for the cause of one's own people is not limited to humans and their are examples from animal world which tell us that this characteristic is prevalent in as mundane a species as an aunt! The Brazilian ant Forelius pusillus is one of that kind. The ants need to seal off the entrances of their nest with sand after sunset and in order to do that, some of them have to remain outside to complete the job. Scientists have found out that they do this willingly. They sacrifice their lives for their society !

Long Live Gandhiji

The 2nd October, Great Gandhiji's Birthday. I know people may ask the relevance of Gandhiji in today's world but then he wasn't relevant in his contemporary times either, if such a logic is considered. But if sanity is to prevail, Gandhiji was relevant and is still relevant today.

Gandhiji, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, was a person who defied general logic of armed confrontation and revolts and put forward the concept of NON-VIOLENCE. He not only proved it was right, he also proved it could be effective and much more than violent means. Gandhiji was a leader above leaders. When he used to walk on street, people would just come behind and follow him. Millions of people who followed him were ready to face bullets all without any weapon. He was in a sense above humanity, a person who left all luxury and lived life of a "poor Indian" all his life. He belonged to rich family and could chose to remain a lawyer which was his profession before he jumped into freedom struggle. A person who could afford to live in luxury spent all his life wearing only a dhoti, just because he once saw poor farmers wearing only a dhoti in a south India rally and then pledged to remain in one piece of cloth till the time all Indians afford to have cloths.

There have been great leaders but Gandhiji was greatest, beyond comparison. He might have lapsed in some policies as many argue, but no one can be perfect.

Let me recite following lines which are from an Indian movie song, in his memory:

De di humen aazadi bina khadga bina dhaal,
Saabarmati ke sant tune kar diya kamal,
Aandhi me bhi jalti rahi Gandhi teri mashal,
Saabarmati ke sant tune kar diya kamal.

(you brought us freedom without using any weapon,
The Saint of Saabarmati - you did magic!,
your torch had fire even in storm,
The Saint of Saabarmati - you did magic!)

Gandhiji Amar rahen (Long Live Gandhiji)

What we want from the one we have a realtionship with

When I say - what we want from the one we have a relation with, I sound somewhat selfish. Isn't it a common characteristic of us that we "want" something from our relations? Selfishness is a common trait that we all share. All. The difference is quantity and quality of selfishness. This is not to say there are only selfish people on the planet, in fact, the word itself is little too strong.

There is this phrase "returning favour" which in itself is based on some sort of selfish attitude. Just look at the structure of a relationship and you will find there is always a kind of reciprocal element in most of them. The relations that are mutual in nature are also in some ways dependent on this "reciprocal" element. Consider a mother-child relationship, which I think is one of the strongest relations we have. A mother cares for her child no matter what the child does. Some call it divine and others call it natural (essentially both lead to same thing). Even if the relation is divine, their are certain expectations the two have from one another. A child "wants" his/her mother to feed him/her, which if not done may change the equation of their relation. What did you say? this is not selfishness? well, I agree. This is not the kind of selfishness we generally know, but it certainly is one of its kind.

My post is not about proving we all are selfish people. Not at all. What I want to say is there are some expectations from relations and this understanding is very helpful in managing our relations. Expectations are there even if there appear to be no relation at all. For example, my friend Jaunesk posted "Questions are The Answers" on his blog, in which he highlights how a salesman needs to be a good listener. I put that in this way - the relationship of a sales person and his potential customer is dependent on how good the sales person fulfils what the customer "wants" and the better listener the sales person is, the better he satisfies the requirement of this relationship.

If we focus on what the other person in our relationship wants, we are not serving the God of Selfishness but just managing our relation. They say expectations are the root of our sorrows. They are right. But, the fact is we just can't be machines and if we are humans, we got to have some expectations. So do the ones who have a relationship with us. Like anything else, too much of it can be as bad as the lack of it. It has to be balanced - both the expectations as well as our desire to fulfil them.

Who You Chose to be Your Partner

When it comes to the choice of choosing our partner for love and life we look at a lot of options ranging from looks to physique to skills etc. Most people will agree there is not one final formula of attraction and it varies from person to person. Some people want good communication skills in their potential partners while others are just satisfied by the looks. Some like well built and physically sound partners while others would not even look at these factors.

We human beings though a lot different than other species still have the natural forces at work and there is always a lot more to choosing our partners than to what meets the eyes. The theory of natural selection and its supplementary - theory of sexual selection have most of the answers when we research into the issue and these theories have some general criteria like - the partner should be healthy, attractive and dominant in the group. Also, for women the one must quality they look in their potential partners is - caring. When it comes to natural and sexual selection, at the core of all conditions is need for healthy and survival genes. A symmetric face, for example, implies a healthy individual who has better genes. The original motive behind all this is to have offspring that can survive.

Oddly enough but there is a new finding by scientists that says a woman is attracted to those men who resemble her father !!! Same for a man but here mother replaces father. How unbelievable that sounds ! Well, a woman likes someone whose face is similar to that of her father, whose body odor smells like her father's and many more things. This is also probably related to our choice of seeking better genes. For more details about this, visit the following link where you will find full text of the story:

http://sciencenow.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/full/2008/903/1

As we humans are different than other species, we have more options that are somewhat different than the purely biological ones. I told about memes in my past post and this has to with it. Yes, being an intelligent species we need to look beyond genes and then memes come into picture. As evolutionary biologists put it memes are the memory elements as genes are genetic elements. So how do they work? Well, when we are impressed with the wit of a person and are attracted, its our memes at work. The recognition of intelligence is a function of memes however, as a matter of fact, the evolution of memes is itself from genes as by the time we evolved into a "thinking" kind of species we are said to have started having memes. Unlike genes, memes don't have a physical presence and are more an intangible aspect of our personality and bio.

Reading this you can ask this question - what if a woman's father has unhealthy body or if he is not intelligent enough to be attractive in consideration by memes? Well, my answer is - again its a battle between various considerations and the one that is stronger should win. For example, such a woman would go for a person who has the best of combination required by both her genes and memes.

If you have your arguments on the topic, kindly leave your comments by clicking on the comments link.